It’s true… moms do sickness standing up. I’ve been sick for the last few days, so I know. I have stayed standing for most of it. I don’t go to bed and watch TV like the rest of my household. No one brings me crackers or soup. I still make meals, taxi kids, clean messes, feed the dogs and go to football awards banquets… all WHILE I’m feeling sick. Is this self-pity? Not really. It’s just that I want other moms to know that we’re all in a special club… of SAINTS!
Take TODAY as an example. Not only have I been sick, but I’m what they call a “Mountain Mama.” I live up at 9,000 feet in the foothills outside of Denver. We Mountain Moms add a unique style to our “Standup Sickness.” Today, I arose at 6AM to a pitch dark, snowy morning… jolted out of my slumber by the melodious tune of a whining basset hound puppy. So I got out of my warm bed, deeply aware of my sore throat, headache and slight feverishness. I got out of my bed ANYWAY to let out “the whiner.” And I let him out in style… I walked him around the side yard, clad in my bathrobe, boot-shoes and stuck-my-finger-in-a-light-socket hair. Actually, in MY neighborhood, I could let him out, while wearing only my underwear and NOBODY would notice. It’s the mountains.
Brought the puppy back in… let the full-grown Golden Retriever out… and proceeded to fill dog bowls with water and food. TRIED to lie down…. but, oh yeah, that’s right I’m a sick MOM, so I’m supposed to stay standing. The puppy helped me stay standing by peeing INSIDE on the tile, so that I could clean it up for him. Didn’t I just take him out so he WOULDN’T do that? Then, the Golden Retriever engaged me in his favorite game which he (the dog) describes like this: “When I see the mom coming to open the gate to the backyard and let me back in the house, I creep up to her like I want to come inside and just when she opens the gate, I run away and laugh at her standing there in her underwear and bathrobe. Mom gets mad at me then.” So, I went back inside and swore I would NEVER let the Golden Retriever BACK in our house again. Sorry kids, we’re now a one-peeing-puppy family.
Was finally able to crawl my headachey, sore throat body back into bed for a little while, but then overslept. I had to wake up the sleeping princess to get her ready for school. Dad & son had already left. So, we started her shower and I went to make her breakfast, let the dogs out again, clean up pee, stare at the neighbors who are now staring back at me in my bathrobe and sticky-outy hair because the sun has come up. Then — still standing up— I sign school papers, help pack a lunch, put my daughter’s contacts into her eyes because HER attempts have already lasted 25 minutes. I get my sickish self dressed and get ready to go out to the SUV and drive my happy, healthy daughter to school. Except….. I forgot. We don’t have a garage — part of being a Mountain Mama — so the SUV is covered in snow & ice and I forgot to start the car (and the defroster) 15 minutes early, so NOW we have to start madly scraping off the ice & snow to get my daughter to school on time. We check EVERYWHERE for the ice scraper thingy that you’re supposed to use on windshields. CANNOT find it. So, I tell me daughter to go upstairs and get the biggest metal spatula she can find. I then start scraping off the SUV windows with BIG Metal Spatula… still standing… and still sick. Close to hysteria… not wanting my daughter to be late… we get into the half-scraped car, praying for the heater to work better and for us to get to school safely because mommy is now driving in a crouched down position (NOT standing) to see through the one clear spot in the windshield. Got her there safely. Got her there in time.
Now, THAT is how we moms do sickness…. standing up.